a girl and her dreams

I have always used my own dream lucid dreaming power gently, it can be exhausting to “work” toward a lucid state, and once in it the energy required increases. I also require recovery time, reflection and that’s why I journal even if it’s only partially lucid. Sometimes my more abstract dreams are more of a “reality check” than my lucid “waking life like” dreams. I feel I travel the parts of myself that are even more connected to higher realms when I am dreaming in imagery in a nonsensical way – which best describes my imagination. I am a crazy artist at heart.

So I decided for the second week of Spring break to try and audio journal Monday – Friday and it was a challenge because over the break my girls were hopping into my bed every morning to snuggle. So I would get woken from my dream…and then have to record while they were nestled into me.

Monday:

I have dreamt about these clients before, especially the wife in this couple, she’s been a cleaning client of mine for many years. The first time I dreamt about her was almost a decade ago. I dreamt I was in her house, but it was almost translucent. The space around it felt like being on Mars, or some kind of elaborate space center on another planet, just massive. It was an emotional moment connecting with her my dream, I was still in a state when I showed up to clean for her the next day, especially since the dream lined up with the cleaning day. It seems phenomenal. So, when I got there, I asked her right away if she dreams. It was so real I thought maybe she had a dream too, or something…anything. She said she didn’t really dream or study them (she’s in the world of psychology so I assumed) and that all came off as surprising, but I guess in order to know someone you need to ask questions.

Anyway, as recorded on Monday, I dreamt about her and her husband, and they lived in a one level house that I still entered in through the same door as their actual house. Right as I walked in was a very public shower, maybe as a rinse off to be clean in their house, seemed a bit overkill. I got a kick out of it through and tried the shower out. The one side of the house that has had windows and a balcony still had that all but the view was that of one in Hollywood, like a famous person’s balcony.

I took a little walk down to a pawn shop with my kids, and as I’ve explained in other blogs, I have many maps that fit in with the city I live in. This walk was magical because in the real world walking from this clients house to where the pawn shop was (which was by Chicken on the Run) would take at least an hour and a half for me. I got there in seconds. At any rate, I wanted to go to this shop with the kids, and once there we loved that it had very African vibe. For some reason my emotions were highly evoked and I was super elated, likely because my kids were with me (and I do admit that I have been so happy in real life to be close to them over Spring Break) and I just feel things more intensely in dreams.

Once back at my clients house I was making some calls, business calls, dream business likely. I was getting my schedule organized and working on some “serious stuff”. This was likely just my brain letting me know to stop worrying about what to do over summer holidays. It can be very challenging as a single mom, self employed, to figure out what to do for the kids over summer. It’s very expensive here in this city.

Okay here’s the weird part, I went down to a pond, it was lush – beautiful -gorgeous and so calming. And there I saw Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry. Yep. My dream got political. So maybe they’re going to visit Victoria soon? Haha I don’t know. Could be significant somehow.

I think as I was waking up, I was most moved by the store, it had some sort of vibe that just brought out some deep feelings that I don’t think would normally be possible to feel in the waking world. I don’t think there’s much as to describe, this dream was really emotional, I felt a sense of belonging as I always have with these clients. It wasn’t my house, but it was my dream, and it shows that everyone really is different and brings different things into the world. I don’t have an education like they do, but I have skills and gifts, and we have always been an amazing match, as have our kids…and their dog who I love caring for from time to time. So, it is like a second home in many ways. All of my cleaning jobs are! I’ve lucked out, won the lottery, in my cleaning clients. I couldn’t have asked for bigger blessings as a cleaner. I never anticipated that it would be this smooth, but it has been a lovely surprise the last 15 years.

If this dream sparks any memories for you, track that! Mind map it. It may inspire you to stir up some dreams about your own work life, and maybe you want to travel parts of yourself, past and present and future. Building relationships in the real world is challenging, when we choose carefully, we give ourselves the best chance for success in happiness and every aspect of our lives. Listening to ourselves is so important. As for Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau, I’m guessing that their romance is inspiring. That crazy artists really can fall in love with more conservative natured people. 🙂 Never say never!

Tuesday:

In a recent blog I wrote about being lucid in almost absolute darkness, and a group of people who appear often in my dreams was there. It’s like a chronic disease sometimes these people, and honestly, I didn’t even know them, so it’s so weird. They must have really made an impression on the dreamer in me.

I had a dream that I was on a zipline that was built by my youngest two daughters uncle in Newfoundland, only it was over a huge forest. I had my phone and I was taking pictures. On one side of the canyon was this group of people just hanging out in my kitchen and on the other side was Newfoundland. I took off on this zipline leaving them in the dust…of my kitchen…

Eventually I swung so high that I landed on a cliff that was higher than I’ve been. And I have a lot of dreams about heights without any fear of them, but this was the first time I have experienced this kind of adrenaline. After a couple minutes couldn’t sustain my dream state; the altitude was so mind altering. I didn’t want to go back to the kitchen though for obvious reasons. So, I woke up in my bed. I think I’m almost done dealing with the “stalkers” from my early twenties and have come to understand what they represent in my dream world. I had a lot of identity issues from family problems and bullying. They weren’t the loveliest people but as I passed through their “circle” at that age in my life, I must have developed some serious insecurities and social challenges. The fact that those people are starting to fade means that these old parts of myself are starting to fade too. They’re just people. My mom would always remind me of that.

Wednesday:

This is a more graphic dream, it’s about a friend (we are no longer friends) who was very abusive to me growing up, we were in a very codependent relationship. I dreamt I had moved into her old rental house, and I’ve dreamt of this house before, only in my dream world it was much more beautiful. I had added garden features and improved the interior architectural features, and she wanted it back. She also wanted me, and was trying to get physically affectionate with me, but I declined politely. She was having relationship problems with this man, and I pointed out that latching on to me wasn’t a solution to her man troubles.

Eventually she told me that she had actually bought the house and that I had to move, and I felt very betrayed and hurt because I had invested a lot of magic and resources (dream resources of course) into the house and onto the property. I was flustered trying to gather my things, and I started think If she hadn’t shown up this would have been my own design, these are my memories, why am I letting her push me this way?

A house usually represents “the self” in dreams, so whenever shit is going down in my dreams in a house, it gets whirled away to this specific hill in my dream world. This hill is at the top of a community that is safe, and when there is any threat to me it gets dealt with on this hill, it’s where my higher powers rid me of anything “invasive” to like depression, codependency, toxic energies. It is where we have meetings about what’s happening in my body and mind.

Once I realized I was on the hill, I went out the side/back door and around the house to the carport and saw that the house was now on the dream hill. I joined some of my oldest tribe on some old logs that have always blocked anyone from driving further past this “point”. They helped me bring some stuff out which ended up just dissolving into the hill, and I told them about our friendship and how I ended it. They helped me move things out and as I let go of the feelings of betrayal and even anger, I took power back from that relationship with the help of these ancient friends of mine.

To explain more, meeting with ancestors and long-lost friends in dreams is different than meeting with loved ones that have passed away in this lifetime, which I have done. It’s more like comfort during a crisis, a visit back at “home”, it’s more like getting support and even intervention. I love my tribe and when I’m feeling lost here and alone, they always show up, it’s so sweet. So, if this dream brings anything up like that for you maybe you can find your hill, your sweet spot, and reconnect – or connect for the first time – with your own dream family. It’s important to have an outlet for undealt with feelings, unfinished business.

Getting these things moved to where I could really let go of “them” on my terms was important here and merging back with myself to find safety again. It is our responsibility to remove ourselves from situations and relationships that are harmful to us. Seeing my true family and finding true north again was what I needed to move from that toxic environment to where I can breathe. This is where forgiveness is possible.

When I go to that hill, it resets my inner compass, and life in the real world becomes more of a breeze. ❤

a girl and her dreams

Thursday: Not too many posts back I dreamt about my apartment, I was in my bedroom and went straight from my bedroom down a makeshift “hole” to the shops below the building (there aren’t any in real life but in my dream, there was). Well, this time I travelled back to my apartment from a farm, it seemed it was equestrian with stables and even a rodeo ring. I was walking to my car (the car in the other dream about my apartment) when I became lucid, and across the parking area I saw some of my mom’s family getting out of their cars. I didn’t want to see them so I just waved and kept on getting into my car. I made eye contact with one of them as they were talking to me, but their face became my face because I didn’t want them disturbing my dream mission. They were erased.

One of the other gifts I have is the ability to go back in time in my dreams, so my house was in its original state when it was built with the added summer golden light from my dreams making it ever so soft and ethereal. I scaled the walls from the right side of the door to the back where the bathroom is and then along the kitchen and to the livingroom. I love older spaces, especially from the early 1980’s because it just feels like home. The landlord was even younger, and I was asking him if I could replace the blinds (the last tenant allowed his cats to destroy them in real life) and he met with me here at my place to look at them.

Just the way it felt being in my home (in contrast to the previous dream) was so uplifting, it was confirmation that I have really done some Spring Cleaning in my family life, social life and my own body and mind.

If this activates any concerns for yourself about your current relationships, especially the one with yourself, it might be a good idea to do some channeling around that. As much as we love our given family, our relatives, our friends etc, sometimes they are draining and take away from our inner joy and light. Since my post about the first dream about my apartment on February 28 it has taken me exactly a month to get to this point, and it feels like a revival of light. In that time, I dreamt of some very “dark matters” but have faced them with faith and trust.

Eventually dreams become effortless again, and it’s not always necessary to set intentions like I have been so far this year. I have had entire eras where I am not even thinking about dreams when I fall asleep, and I end up on a trip.

Other times like these, I find setting goals and personal intentions is a requirement for my mental health and a safe dream environment. Journalling on my phone this week is what has pulled me through this bout of emotional turmoil and depression.

I might add that listening to my voice is not always easy. I sound a little rough in the morning…but that’s part of the process and I’ve learned to love it.

image: canva

Friday:

Actual recording word for word: “I had a dream where I was in this weird place really up high and – I had this big house and I was trying to find roommate and everybody was crazy and abusive. And at one point I looked in the mirror and had all these black spots in my mouth like points of pain or punctures, or something like that, I don’t know how it happened to me. But I was like trying to heal, and like Mark (from this dream) eventually ended up saying that he would move in for safety reasons. This was probably all to do with my fear of this home and keeping this home. But it was a very weird little city. I don’t know why everybody was so sick and twisted. And this was after I had woken up and seen the sun, it was rising and I saw almost all of it, just peaking up. That’s why I love it here.”

So breaking this down, I remember now seeing the sun right at sunrise, I can see it from my bedroom and from the livingroom, we face East on that side of the apartment. It was neon orange and only one tiny part of it was still breaking free from the landscape in the distance. It was shining straight into my eyes for a moment and of course we don’t look at the sun too long but it’s absolutely irresistible sometimes.

Then I went back to bed (this is WBTB wake back to bed technique and I do it without an alarm usually) and that’s when this dream occured.

The mouth is very complex part in dreams, I’ve dreamt of all parts of it many times, but this was the first time I’ve dreamt of these pure black little spaces that didn’t hurt, but they were scary to look at. I think I was looking directly into many of the nerve endings that have taken so much of the pressure from traumatic events, including pain. In my first dream about this apartment (as seen again in this post) I went downstairs and jumped into a car and was talking about fractures. These can be emotional, they don’t have to be physical.

It’s all about connecting these wounds, injuries, diseases in the dream with real life parts of ourselves and our lives.

In connection with things like “struggling to find a roommate” like I was, because I have 2 still in the nest and one starting to get ready to fly, it made sense that it was stressing me out.

We don’t have to do it alone. We think we should a lot of the time. There was lots of abuse in my dream, yes, this city has been a source of a lot of my stress, but before the dream I saw the sun and it is a symbol of power, light and healing. Sometimes I open myself up to these kinds of “crazy” situations in dreams, and if you look at this post, you’ll see how I had been dreaming of this city and it has been a theme since blogging. I don’t always dream of this city, but it is a source of many of my dream themes, even when I haven’t been living in it.

I have been silenced and unheard in many ways here in this city and facing it in dreams and how it has affected my autonomy is important. I have been able to find self-expression through dream work successfully and it has been healing which I am eternally grateful for. When we hold in pain or trauma in our bodies it can physically materialize into our real bodies and cause many distressing symptoms and even actual diseases. When we let go and heal we can use our mouths again, express ourselves again and feel safe doing it.

It’s not like my life, or body was falling apart in these dreams, in fact it was getting “worked on”. I went from having fractures in my emotional brain last month in my dream to being able to see inside myself yesterday morning in this dream. It was actually quite satisfying. Mark is also an amazing support; my late mother met him over a decade ago and he has always been there for me. I’ve been dreaming about him this year as I have moved from intense depression around the loss of my mom, into a new stage of grieving that I celebrate the blessings she left for me, including support. Josie too, she was in that dream. I think what this whole month has shown me is that we can truly heal ourselves and shape our future after trauma, loss, even ruin!

In real life I do have overcrowding in my mouth and have had lock jaw, Trigeminal neuralgia and clenched teeth most of my life. I’ve even had to have my teeth reshaped to relieve pressure, and that was hard on my nerves. In the long run I’ve been able to make small adjustments through dental work, cranial sacral therapy and yoga of course (my thang) and I mean small.

For me it was like I had braces on in the dream world that were taken off, and my dream showed me where I had let go of stuff and it had died and was healing over. It was actually relieving. I looked deep into my mouth and read the stories along the walls of my cheeks, and was essentially my own orthodontist, my own neurologist.

If you have had confusing dreams about health issues, rest assured that it is your body telling you that there is an opportunity to understand yourself better. Googling it might be scary as there are a lot of “warning” interpretations that can seem daunting at first. It’s more like – you know how to connect with yourself in ways no doctor ever could. Put it that way. You know yourself and your needs best.

I recommend staying away from googling the meaning and instead looking into those very issues medically and how they relate to you. Maybe you aren’t aware of your traumas, not everyone has the same responses, and maybe the dreams are showing you positive things that you aren’t seeing. Like me, the progress I’ve made and the places that now have space to move so my nerves can function:)

Honestly, being in touch with one’s self and understanding the psychological messages from the body rather than taking these off-putting experiences literally is the key to really getting the most out of dreaming.

We can transmute toxins, prevent illness and infection, overcome old health conditions and problems we may not have even known we had.

Note: my middle name is Lisa, my mothers name. So this dream also brought me to examine the connection there with the Mona Lisa smile. Naomi Lisa, Mona Lisa…and the grief around my mom. It actually love that. I need to smile more!!! Even just gently smile:)

Lastly, me and my girls all had dentist appointments this month. Go figure.

And go on! Make an appointment with yourself.

Thank you for being here in all of my craziness! I love you.

a girl and her dreams

image: Leonardo da Vinci