a girl and her dreams

A little break goes a long way! It has been 17 days since my last post. Time is flying, I’ve been flying and I am really feeling the need to slow down here. Back in my late 20s and early 30s I lived an extremely slow life, like slow drip, slow movement, slow response, slow breath, slow heart, slow communication…lots of pausing to watch my oldest daughter smell flowers, lots of slow and long walks.

Working just takes the time and sends it soaring at light speed, and well, one has to work so it kind of just happens. It actually feels wrong in so many ways. So, I am going to ground down and gear into a slower mode than ever.

I’ve had 2 significant dreams in the last two weeks, I’ve been focusing more of my attention on these courses I am taking in yoga teacher training, neuroscience coaching, positive psychology and lucid dream facilitation. I am going to share the two dreams, and there will be some intimate details starting about now. This dream audio journal excerpt includes a mention of my ex who I left because of safety concerns.

April 6, 2026 “So I had a dream – last night, (sniffle) and I think cuz I was going so deep into my dream it was hard for me to go lucid plus I was sleeping with the kids, and I’m just still building up my energy for the new phase. So, so far this year the last four months I’ve only had a few times where I’ve been really (big yawn) lucid, and I think a lot of it is I just don’t wanna go into like paralysis because of everything that went down with (ex) so I’m being really gentle. Plus I’m studying. But I was in this hotel, and I got work in this hotel because this hotel was so run down and so old. And this woman was in charge of it and she was kinda like – she kinda had a teacher, kinda like mental health vibe…you know? She really seemed like in charge of me. And there was some other workers, but I was like special to her – you know? She really liked me and she really cared about me and she was trying to help me. But she didn’t understand that it was my dream. You know? (giggle) Like she thought that she was management for my dream. But really it was that she was management of this hotel. And I had to enlighten her of things that were going on, like I was owed $660 dollars for one thing (sniffle). And um… you know she didn’t really want to take accountability for that. She kinda wanted me to wait and to postpone and all this stuff which, like, I feel like that’s really typical of like the other side of things you know? They always expect you to show up but you can’t be late for anything right? You can’t miss any payments and stuff like that, but they – they can dick you around cuz they’re, you know, they’re in charge right. So I was kinda breaking those boundaries in this dream. Beautiful hotel. Everytime I went in and out of a room it was just like, amazing, the feeling that would come over me – my head felt like the sky like it was just this feeling of like a natural high from the dream, ya know from the dream world. And it was like, even empowering cuz I felt like I was back home – ya know? Like I really felt like I was back home and the beds were like – the beds didn’t really fit in the rooms I guess because like modern day solutions don’t really work for like, you know, extremely renaissance or even before oldest times, right? But. I can tell you that this building was in a place that was very high power like (sniffle) it wasn’t just a building on a corner it was a place in the world that held power. And I was really tapping into it. And walking out of a room once and down the hall, there was a doorway that led to another country, like it was really cool. It was this travelling hotel where you could like travel to worlds through doorways kinda thing. And I was telling her like ‘We’re not gonna get anywhere…like we’re not gonna change the place and you know move into new territory and higher – um – intelligence and architecture and all that stuff if we don’t…if we don’t treat each other good, you know? Like if we don’t have proper business.’ Stuff like that. And um, she really appreciated that. She really like cared about that. She just didn’t know how to implement those kinds of ethics cuz she was so overworked. So I’m gonna break it down and think about it a little more. But it was very comforting and I feel a lot of gratitude right now. Because it’s really important to me to have that kinda of comfort. To me that’s beyond luxury. Like absolutely amazing.”

Breakdown: So it took a while to go back to this dream in my memory but by the end of listening to the dictation and writing it this morning (it’s now nighttime and I’m exhausted and need to sleep…and dream) I remembered. The building was absolutely out of this world. It was like being in the Renaissance.

I was floating on the clouds for days after this dream and I guess it just faded in a fog as I got back to reality. I don’t know what happened to my memory! I get busy. The funny thing is I have amazing long term episodic memory, so much so that I haven’t documented many of my dreams up to the age of 45, I was so overwhelmed with my kids as a single mom it just felt impossible to make time in waking life to focus on dream work. I didn’t even think to use my phone to record them, I did however do a lot of visual work while awake, reflecting on my dreams and connecting them intentionally in chains in my mind. I also read a book or two and used wikipedia and youtube to learn more.

As for this hotel dream, it was comforting because hotels are my dream passion as well as travel. What this dream really showed me was that I have been grieving the freedom I once had in my dream. In this particular dream I wasn’t able to just freely experience the “trip” on my own, I was working and that was a little frustrating. I had people telling me what to do and appointments. I think I need some space from people, and to take a break from work…in my dreams. Haha. Furthermore, I felt a little invaded, I can’t lie. I was kind of like What are these people doing in my dream, telling me what to do? It was stressful, and I don’t go to my dreams for that. No.

I was also getting the message that I need to travel, with my kids, soon. I was missing my kids in my dream and wishing that I wasn’t working so that they could be with me and have fun. We have had an extremely rought last 6 years since my youngest was born. The doors in my dream were leading to abstract worlds, opportunities to explore even more dreams…or worlds. I remember thinking I’m not ready to decide where I want to go…but I honestly can’t wait, I’m already setting some intentions, and I am going to do some creative planning this weekend and take photos and share them before the new week ahead so you can follow if you want to! I’ll do some mind mapping, vision boarding and journalling as well as an oracle reading because I really feel this ties into Starseed energy…or at least the cards I have are influencing me for sure. I have the Starseed Oracle deck, my mom bought it for my oldest daughter, and she ended up giving to me.

The thing about dreams is that no one can take over them the way they have taken over the real world. So when it happens in one of my dreams I take it seriously and feel protective. I need to strengthen my mind, reinforce some boundaries even with myself and do some therapeutic work around my world. When you have a treasure, a gift, you take care of it diligently.

Today, April 17, 2026: “I had a dream that I was with the kids and my sister on a trip in Italy in these – it was near the water but – there was like these villages and she had this house and…I don’t know how she established it there. But, it was amongst kind of like a farm community. I had a crush on this guy but he was already with someone. He had a girlfriend. I was kind of volunteering and we would sometimes make eye contact, and I had a really hard time seeing, like I had really poor vison but i was able to do things with my hands and stuff. So, I would like, learn about farming. I was a really quick learner, and he was driving a tractor and noticed me and like all these little things happen. Kinda like The Good Earth but Italian. Then one day we all went for a walk, me and my sister and the girls. We took a ferry and he was on the ferry with his girlfriend. And they broke up and she was like still really clingy. Him and I started talking and getting closer, and she got really upset. And we had such good chemistry together, that there was no way we could just ignore each other. And then my sister and the girls got off the boat. Cuz it was just like a tour to go on and look at the boat, not actually go anywhere. I stayed on it and I left with him and I tried to text there but there was no service. I started worrying about her having to look after my daughters, but my sister didn’t care, she was happy for me.”

Oh quick note: I didn’t record this in my audio, but my sister met up with me and the girls to take my girls with her so I could meet this man. Her and I ordered gelato and she ordered hers in Italian and it was so funny, like her voice sounded almost operatic…I want to dive more into it and what it meant for me. I’ll be posting that in my “post-dreamwork” post at the end of the weekend.

Let’s get into it.

Breakdown: I have dreamt about boats before and usually there is dream maps that sometimes even come in the form of key fobs, they can be opened anywhere in the dream. This time is was more that neither of had much wealth.

I can’t blog right now, I need sleep. Lol.

April 18, 2026: I was very tired last night and my breakdown of information was very weak haha. I need to try that again.

I’m searching (right now as I blog) “tea leaf reading on old ship on Italian Island” and AI gives me dream meanings. How funny is that. It knew. So, I type “where to get” at the beginning and search again. No. Not helping. I gave up. Lots of tall ships though. Some things only happen in dreams. Even love.

This was a very intimate dream; I connected with a man in the astral plain, or layer, and my mapping “infrastructure” was very much a key player in that connection. I will go more into the mapping in my book which honestly is so vague right now (the book) and I have about 20,000 words just flying all over the place in MS Word trying to find their places.

I didn’t anticipate the level of intimacy at all. It happens from time to time but this was really special. I was on a mission to do a tea leaf reading on an old cruise ship on an Italian Island.

This dream is clearly showing me how intimate I can be with myself, that I am really happy being single, but also that I need to consider the possibilities of love. I guess I am facing the fact that I am very shut down and turned off by the world right now. Even if love were to present itself in my life, my dream made it clear that the universe knows I would never wedge myself between a couple. The end of my dream taught me that I need to be fearless, if love is evidentially forming it needs to be honored even if there is some pain in that. I met someone in my dream, and it’s possible to do that in dreams just as it is in reality, both are very valid experiences and states. Just make sure no one is cheating. My rule. Also. In reality, leave if you are unhappy. Always leave. I have always ended my relationships before they get bad. This man was reluctant for years to leave. We had things to teach each other.

Anyway, meeting this man had its challenges, it was dark (literally) and I was feeling really tired. I’ve met people before in the astral plain, I’ve met children (even my children I have now but before they were born), long lost relatives, other dreamers. I’ve also seen my mom a couple times since she passed away. Meeting for real in dreams is a beautiful, vivid, emotional experience and it doesn’t have to look any certain way, we are not our usual human selves in dreams. We need to accept that the difference between reality and dreams will always be vast. In this case I think I just had some boundaries because he was in a relationship, so I didn’t want to “see” him yet.

I was allowing myself to be exactly as I was, (I think of the song Come As You Are by Nirvana) sleepy and going through a darker time. Yes. I am experiencing a lot of darker stuff right now, still a little stuck in winter. If you have read my last posts, my whole year started out with dreams of darkness, where rather than visuals there were strong emotions, potent lucid experiences mentally and emotionally.

My reason for going to this island was the big cruise ship. It was the kind of ship that I have been on in many lifetimes as someone who is gifted in the art of tasseography, which is one of my favorite mediums in the world. In my past existences there were meetups, conventions, specifically on these old wooden cruise ships, taking us on journeys where we would explore tasseography with each other, with other spiritual guides, and clients from all over the world seeking guidance. Sometimes we would dock and just read for people on different islands and other times we would offer full cruises and explore healing, divination and dive into the art of tasseography over days and nights, sometimes longer. Though we had a sense of time, it was not as “permanent”.

I don’t see “lifetimes” as reincarnation here, I see lifetimes as layers…interwoven experiences that are not bound by chronological order or rolled out one after another like the Gregorian Calendar. To me the definition of reincarnation is very personal anyway, we use the word on social media and in books wildly but then it’s very seldom talked about the way we communicate about life here in this realm. For the soul traveler like me, it is hard to express how we see it through the use of English. Here in our over-civilized and somewhat narrow-minded culture the whole concept of reincarnation has sometimes been misused and people have been misguided. I hate to say it but I’m from that culture, and that’s why I feel I have had to break free by opening my eyes and pushing myself through rebirth, dreamwork and healing. More on that in another post.

Back to my dream. I was on a trip with my sister and youngest two daughters. My oldest daughter was doing her own travelling nearby in Italy. We were on an island where this tasseography cruise ship was docked and was not functioning but just a sight to see, and that was my whole purpose of this dream trip. I probably wanted to see it because it was nostalgic and in reality, I did some readings for myself at New Years after our birthday week, me and my youngest two girls are all born in the last week of December. Other than my plan to visit this gorgeous vessel and stay a few days on the island, I also wanted sleep. My sister took all the kids to the resort playground on the water, the resort was all wood and dammusi stone, same era as the cruise ship. The resort was rustic and all on ground floor level, very Meditterean. It was obviously Sicily, we ate gelato. Right?

I was having a hard time seeing clearly, I took this as a literal message, that I wasn’t seeing clearly. I took a nap. When I woke up no one was in our room yet, my sister is such a gem, I must have slept the whole day. I still couldn’t see well, but when you’re dreaming it doesn’t stop you. So I made my way to the lobby to find out about the cruise ship. That’s when I met this gentleman. Him and his girlfriend worked on the ship but not always together. He was also in farming, and I offered to help as a volunteer, which he accepted, and that made her really mad.

My sister came back and that’s when we went on the cruise ship with all the kids and then for gelato (which again I forgot about while recording but this is where the gelato happened) I could see a bit better and was kind of waking up a bit more (in my dream as in lucid), but still feeling exhausted. She caught on to me and the new boy quickly.

My sister and her daughter went shopping. I stayed with my girls nearby.

Note on Cartography: I want to get into the mapping part of my dream world here, it’s so intricate, I find such satisfaction in journeying with my maps, my cartography has been with me for an unfathomable amount of time. I am a very old soul that loves to have fun. When I use a dream map a lot of the work is done for me, just like GPS only it’s not public. I am very private. I also love my inner tasseographer (I’m making that a word) – especially in dreams, you know why? Because when geography meets tasseography in a dream it is magic. If you’ve ever had a tea leaf reading you would see that looking down into a little cup with leaves grown on this good earth is like looking across a world only known to you. There is a connection between you and the earth through the leaves, and the vision that is born from that connection is like a reincarnation of the leaves and a new layer of life for you. This interweaving of human experience and mystic is one that is free from the confinement of reality’s time constraints, deadlines and pressures. In fact, the concept of human time goes out the window when you dream, if you want. It slows down, or can speed up, you can travel across timelines, you can stop it all together. More later, one day, but for now I’m just showing you how incredibly fulfilling using a dream map is.

Note on Tasseography: My first tea leaf reading (in reality) in this lifetime was at the age of 11 in Nanaimo, BC and my mother took me up to this tea house on the water for the reading, I felt so special. Basically, the woman who did the reading told me I am very musical and would have many children in my life who I would instruct. The music symbol also denoted harmony, balance and it was halfway down the cup in the future section so right about now I feel it coming into fruition, not only with music (which I have helped kids with) but also in spiritual arts, especially children with diverse abilities. She said nothing on love. Which is fine. She did say that I would take a long time to find my purpose and ways to follow my passion. True true.

The meeting: My sister stayed in our room with all the girls and I went to see the ship alone this time to get the most of it. There was wine, food and lots of people, but I had no appetite for anything. I just wanted to “rome” around and take in the architecture and warmth of the wood. Him and I met almost right away, it’s as if he was waiting. There was an undeniable chemistry, already I felt pretty intimate just experiencing the dream together, I mean come on this is Italy. The dream of love is of the most importance. Once on the boat, it was like something opened up in me, he was trying to help me work through a lot of emotions. Maybe that’s his gift, maybe he’s a psychologist. He was trying to avoid making his ex angry, she was also on the boat working as a guide – not a dream guide – just a guide.

This dynamic was confusing because I didn’t know if they were together. Also, the intensity of emotion and attachment was a huge reminder to me that we can be in parallel realities and connect with real people in these other realities through dreams.

She could have gotten off the boat when her shift ended but she wanted to talk to him and was waiting for a moment to intervene. Instead of ignoring her, he asked if I would leave with him, and I became aware that they were no longer in a relationship, so I was okay leaving with him. Then she decided to follow him which was really awkward. Whatever happened between them seems really painful, and I’ve been there, it hurts. She wanted him back and he had been saying no and was allowing the universe to offer love, which came in the form of me, and she was sabotaging it. Maybe not in reality, but in this dream.

When I reflect on myself in this matter, and what the dream was showing me about myself, I realize I have had partners like that many times and I am holding on to these parts of myself out of a need to have control over my emotions and to protect my feelings.

Anyway, went back to his place and we were like…really intimate. I woke up because of how amazing I felt. I hate that.

We made the decision to wake up and leave the island and go our own ways for a while, and will find each other in another dream realm because we were both struggling trying to move on from old relationship “stuff” and it was setting us back.

I didn’t get around to doing a tea leaf reading on the cruise ship like I had planned. Drawing close to each other was not without its turmoil, connecting in the dream world is already challenging, with the added stress of old relationship wounds, we were held back in a lot of ways.

I have never felt such a deep connection, even in reality – especially in reality actually. I am going to do some therapy around this relationship, it’s going to be a challenge.

As for the kids, I guess they were safe in my dream so it doesn’t matter. Imagine? Not having to worry about things like that. Or your mortgage or rent, or where you car was parked, or your pet, or any appointments you might have? Dreams are so much better that way.

I will share in a few days more on both the hotel (especially the doors) dream work and also – no surprise here but – I will share a tea leaf reading as well. So watch for some photos and videos in my next post.

xoxo

image: adobe

Sweet dreams!

a girl and her dreams

Side note: I’m not an astrologer but I know my chart pretty well and with Sun in Saturn I am always trying to organize chaos whether it’s clothes, words or feelings. I’m Leo rising so I am very outwardly warm and friendly, I try to be kind and even when I’m anti-social I still feel an enormous amount of empathy which prevents me from focusing, period. I take ADHD medication now as of about 6 years ago, and I’m reversing many years of dysfunction due to trauma and misdiagnosis as well as counterproductive medication and treatment. This dream really felt like Capricorn to me, my Sun sign, my sister is a Capricorn and both my younger kids are Capricorn. So maybe I’m going to meet a man who is very compatible with me as a Capricorn.